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I can't forgive somebody

Few things Jesus taught are as hard as forgiveness. The Gospels show him forgiving from the cross, teach it without limit — and also show that forgiveness is received before it is given.

And Jesus said: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. But they, dividing his garments, cast lots.

Luke 23:34 · Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition

Awaiting theological review

What Jesus teaches

  • Direct

    Summary of Matthew 6:12 · Matthew 6:14–15

    We pray to be forgiven as we forgive; Jesus explicitly ties the two together.
  • Strong principle

    Summary of Matthew 18:33

    Having received mercy is the reason to show it: “Shouldst not thou then have had compassion also on thy fellow servant, even as I had compassion on thee?”
  • Direct

    Summary of Luke 6:36

    “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”

What Christian tradition learns from this

Church teaching

The Catechism teaches that God's mercy cannot penetrate a heart that refuses to forgive — not because God withholds it, but because an unforgiving heart is closed.

Church teaching

Pope Francis calls pardoning offences “the clearest expression of merciful love”.

Interpretation

The Prodigal Son's older brother shows how hard it is to celebrate mercy shown to someone who hurt us — and the father goes out to plead with him too.

What Jesus did

  1. Forgiveness from the cross

    Luke 23:33–34
    Direct
    What Jesus experienced
    Crucifixion, mockery and unjust condemnation.
    What Jesus did
    He prayed for those crucifying him.
    What Jesus said

    “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

    Luke 23:34 · Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition

  2. Peter asks: how many times?

    Matthew 18:21–35
    Direct
    What Jesus experienced
    A disciple looking for a reasonable limit.
    What Jesus did
    He removed the limit and told the parable of the unforgiving servant.
    What Jesus said

    “I say not to thee, till seven times; but till seventy times seven times.”

    Matthew 18:22 · Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition

  3. The woman who loved much

    Luke 7:36–50
    Direct
    What Jesus experienced
    A host who judged a sinful woman — and judged Jesus for letting her near.
    What Jesus did
    He defended her and forgave her sins.
    What Jesus said

    “Thy sins are forgiven thee.”

    Luke 7:48 · Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition

What Scripture doesn’t tell us

Forgiving is not pretending it didn't hurt, excusing injustice, or staying in danger. Scripture doesn't give a timetable. If you are struggling with deep hurt, speaking with a priest or a counsellor can help.

Someone who walked this road

Pray

Father, I cannot do this on my own. You know the hurt. Give me the desire to forgive, and then the grace to do it, one step at a time. Amen.

Written for Lumen as a simple personal prayer — not a liturgical text.

One thing to do today

Write the person's name down and pray one Our Father for them. You do not need to feel forgiveness yet.

  • Is there a first, small step — even just praying for the person by name?
  • What have you yourself been forgiven?

Go deeper

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